Harry Potter and the Cursed Child/8

  ALBUS: Things need fixing, Scorpius. Cedric still needs saving. Rose needs bringing back. We'll be more careful. Whatever Croaker says, trust me, trust us. We'll get it right this time.

  SCORPIUS: No. We won't. Give it back, Albus! Give it back!

  ALBUS: I can't. This is too important.

  SCORPIUS: Yes, it's too important -- for us. We're not good at this stuff. We'll get it wrong.

  ALBUS: Who's saying that we'll get it wrong?

  SCORPIUS: I say. Because that's what we do. We mess things up. We lose. We're losers, true and total losers. Haven't you realized that yet?

  ALBUS finally gets the upper hand and pins SCORPIUS to the ground.

  ALBUS: Well, I wasn't a loser before I met you.

  SCORPIUS: Albus, whatever you've got to prove to your dad -- this isn't the way.

  ALBUS: I don't have anything to prove to my dad. I've got to save Cedric to save Rose. And maybe -- without you holding me back -- I can make a proper go of it.

  SCORPIUS: Without me? Oh poor Albus Potter. With his chip on his shoulder. Poor Albus Potter. So sad.

  ALBUS: What are you saying?

  SCORPIUS (exploding): Try my life! People look at you because your dad's the famous Harry Potter, savior of the wizarding world. People look at me because they think my dad is Voldemort. Voldemort.

  ALBUS: Don't even --

  SCORPIUS: Can you even slightly imagine what that's like? Have you even ever tried? No. Because you can't see beyond the end of your nose. Because you can't see beyond the end of your stupid thing with your dad. He will always be Harry Potter, you know that, right? And you will always be his son. And I know it's hard, and the other kids are awful, but you have to learn to be okay with that, because -- there are worse things, okay?


  There was a moment I was excited, when I realized time was different, a moment when I thought maybe my mum hadn't got sick. Maybe my mum wasn't dead. But no, turns out, she was. I'm still the child of Voldemort, without a mother, giving sympathy to the boy who doesn't ever give anything back. So I'm sorry if I've ruined your life because I tell you -- you wouldn't have a chance of ruining mine -- it was already ruined. You just didn't make it better. Because you're a terrible -- the most terrible -- friend.

  ALBUS digests this. He sees what he's done to his friend.

  PROFESSOR McGONAGALL (from off): Albus? Albus Potter. Scorpius Malfoy. Are you in there -- together? Because I advise you not to be.

  ALBUS looks at SCORPIUS, he pulls a Cloak from his bag.

  ALBUS: Quick. We need to hide.


  ALBUS: Scorpius, look at me.

  SCORPIUS: That's the Invisibility Cloak? Isn't it James's?

  ALBUS: If she finds us, we'll be forced apart forever. Please. I didn't understand. Please.

  PROFESSOR McGONAGALL (from off -- trying to give them every chance): I am about to enter.

  PROFESSOR McGONAGALL comes into the room, the Marauder's Map in her hands. The boys disappear beneath the Cloak. She looks around, exasperated.

  Well, where have they -- I never wanted this thing and now it's playing tricks on me.

  She thinks. She looks back at the map. She identifies where they should be. She looks around the room. Objects move as the boys invisibly move past them. She sees where they're heading, she makes to block them. But they skirt around her.

  Unless. Unless . . . Your father's Cloak.

  She looks back at the map, she looks at the boys. She smiles to herself.

  Well, if I didn't see you, I didn't see you.

  She exits. The two boys remove the Cloak. They sit in silence for a moment.

  ALBUS: Yes, I stole this from James. He's remarkably easy to steal from; his trunk combination is the date he got his first broom. I've found the Cloak made avoiding bullies . . . easier.

  SCORPIUS nods.

  I'm sorry -- about your mum. I know we don't talk about her enough -- but I hope you know -- I'm sorry -- it's rubbish -- what happened to her -- to you.

  SCORPIUS: Thanks.

  ALBUS: My dad said -- said that you were this dark cloud around me. My dad started to think -- and I just knew I had to stay away, and if I didn't, Dad said he would --

  SCORPIUS: Your dad thinks the rumors are true -- I am the son of Voldemort?

  ALBUS (nods): His department are currently investigating it.

  SCORPIUS: Good. Let them. Sometimes -- sometimes I find myself thinking -- maybe they're true too.

  ALBUS: No. They're not true. And I'll tell you why. Because I don't think Voldemort is capable of having a kind son -- and you're kind, Scorpius. To the depths of your belly, to the tips of your fingers. I truly believe Voldemort -- Voldemort couldn't have a child like you.

  Beat. SCORPIUS is moved by this.

  SCORPIUS: That's nice -- that's a nice thing to say.

  ALBUS: And it's something I should have said a long time ago. In fact, you're probably the best person I know. And you don't -- you couldn't -- hold me back. You make me stronger -- and when Dad forced us apart -- without you --

  SCORPIUS: I didn't much like my life without you in it either.

  ALBUS: And I know I'll always be Harry Potter's son -- and I will sort that out in my head -- and I know compared to you my life is pretty good, really, and that he and I are comparatively lucky and --

  SCORPIUS (interrupting): Albus, as apologies go this is wonderfully fulsome, but you're starting to talk more about you than me again, so probably better to quit while you're ahead.

  ALBUS smiles and stretches out a hand.

  ALBUS: Friends?

  SCORPIUS: Always.

  SCORPIUS extends his hand, ALBUS pulls SCORPIUS up into a hug.

  That's the second time you've done that.

  The two boys break apart and smile.

  ALBUS: But I'm pleased we had this argument because it's given me a really good idea.

  SCORPIUS: About what?

  ALBUS: It involves the second task. And humiliation.

  SCORPIUS: You're still talking about going back in time? Have we been having the same conversation?

  ALBUS: You're right -- we are losers. We're brilliant at losing and so we should be using our own knowledge here. Our own powers. Losers are taught to be losers. And there's only one way to teach a loser -- and we know that better than anyone -- humiliation. We need to humiliate him. So in the second task that's what we'll do.

  SCORPIUS thinks -- for a long time -- and then smiles.

  SCORPIUS: That's a really good strategy.

  ALBUS: I know.

  SCORPIUS: I mean, quite spectacular. Humiliate Cedric to save Cedric. Clever. And Rose?

  ALBUS: That I'm saving as a sparkly surprise. I can do it without you -- but I want you there. Because I want us to do this together. Set things right together. So . . . Will you come?

  SCORPIUS: But, just a minute, isn't -- wasn't -- the second task took place in the lake, and you're not allowed to leave the school building.

  ALBUS grins.

  ALBUS: Yes. About that . . . We need to find the girls' bathroom on the first floor.



  RON is walking down the staircase, consumed in his thoughts, and then he sees HERMIONE and his expression changes entirely.

  RON: Professor Granger.

  HERMIONE looks across, her heart leaps a bit too (though she won't admit it).

  HERMIONE: Ron. What are you doing here?

  RON: Panju got in a little trouble in Potions class. Was showing off, of course, and put the wrong thing with the wrong thing and now he has no eyebrows and a rather large mustache, apparently. Which doesn't suit him. I didn't want to come but Padma says that when it comes to facial growths, sons need their fathers. Have you done something with your hair?

  HERMIONE: Just combed it, I suspect.

  RON: Well . . . Combing it suits you.

  HERMIONE looks at RON slightly strangely.

nbsp; HERMIONE: Ron, will you stop looking at me like that?

  RON (summoning confidence): You know, Harry's boy Albus -- said to me the other day that he thought you and I were -- married. Ha-ha. Ha. Ha. Ridiculous, I know.

  HERMIONE: Very ridiculous.

  RON: He even thought we had a daughter. That'd be strange, wouldn't it?

  The two lock eyes. HERMIONE is the first to break away.

  HERMIONE: More than strange.

  RON: Exactly. We're -- friends, and that's all.

  HERMIONE: Absolutely. Only -- friends.

  RON: Only -- friends. Funny word -- friends. Not that funny. Just a word really. Friends. Friend. Funny friend. You, my funny friend, my Hermione. Not that -- not my Hermione, you understand -- not MY Hermione -- not MINE -- you know, but . . .

  HERMIONE: I know.

  There's a pause. Neither of them move the smallest inch. Everything feels too important for movement. Then RON coughs.

  RON: Well. Must get on. Sort Panju out. Teach him the finer arts of mustache grooming.

  He walks on, he turns, he looks at HERMIONE. She looks back, he hurries on again.

  Your hair really does very much suit you.



  PROFESSOR McGONAGALL is onstage on her own. She looks at the map. She frowns to herself. She taps it with her wand. She smiles to herself at a good decision made.

  PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: Mischief managed.

  There's a rattling.

  The whole stage seems to vibrate.

  GINNY is the first through the fireplace, and then HARRY.

  GINNY: Professor, I can't say that ever gets more dignified.

  PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: Potter. You're back. And you seem to have finally ruined my carpet.

  HARRY: I need to find my son. We need to.

  PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: Harry, I've considered this and decided I want no part of it. Whatever you threaten, I --

  HARRY: Minerva, I come here in peace, not war. I should never have spoken to you that way.

  PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: I just don't think I can interfere in friendships and I believe --

  HARRY: I need to say sorry to you and sorry to Albus, will you give me that chance?

  DRACO arrives behind them with a bang of soot.


  DRACO: He needs to see his son, and I need to see mine.

  HARRY: Like I say -- peace -- not war.

  PROFESSOR McGONAGALL studies his face; she sees the sincerity she needs to see. She takes the map back out of her pocket. She opens it up.

  PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: Well, peace is certainly something I can be part of.

  She taps it with her wand.

  (Sighs.) I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good.

  The map is lit into action.

  Well, they are together.

  DRACO: In the girls' bathroom on the first floor. What on earth would they be doing there?



  SCORPIUS and ALBUS enter a bathroom. In the center of it is a large Victorian sink.

  SCORPIUS: So let me get this right -- the plan is Engorgement . . .

  ALBUS: Yes. Scorpius, that soap, if you may . . .

  SCORPIUS fishes a soap out of the sink.


  He fires a bolt from his wand across the room. The soap blows up to four times its size.

  SCORPIUS: Nice. Consider me engorgimpressed.

  ALBUS: The second task was the lake task. They had to retrieve something which was stolen from them, which turned out to be --

  SCORPIUS: -- people they loved.

  ALBUS: Cedric used a Bubble-Head Charm to swim through the lake. All we do is follow him in there and use Engorgement to turn him into something rather larger. We know the Time-Turner doesn't give us long, so we're going to be quick. Get to him and Engorgio his head and watch him float out of the lake -- away from the task -- away from the competition . . .

  SCORPIUS: But -- you still haven't told me how we're going to actually get to the lake . . .

  And then suddenly a jet of water emerges from the sink -- and after it ascends a very wet MOANING MYRTLE.

  MOANING MYRTLE: Whoa. That feels good. Never used to enjoy that. But when you get to my age, you take what you can . . .

  SCORPIUS: Of course -- you're a genius -- Moaning Myrtle . . .

  MOANING MYRTLE swoops down onto SCORPIUS.

  MOANING MYRTLE: What did you call me? Do I moan? Am I moaning now? AM I? AM I?

  SCORPIUS: No, I didn't mean . . .

  MOANING MYRTLE: What's my name?

  SCORPIUS: Myrtle.

  MOANING MYRTLE: Exactly -- Myrtle. Myrtle Elizabeth Warren -- a pretty name -- my name -- no need for the moaning.

  SCORPIUS: Well . . .

  MOANING MYRTLE (she giggles): It's been a while. Boys. In my bathroom. In my girls' bathroom. Well, that's not right . . . But then again, I always did have a soft spot for the Potters. And I was moderately partial to a Malfoy too. Now how can I help you pair?

  ALBUS: You were there, Myrtle -- in the lake. They wrote about you. There must be a way out of these pipes.

  MOANING MYRTLE: I've been everywhere. But where specifically were you thinking?

  ALBUS: The second task. The lake task. In the Triwizard Tournament. Twenty-five years ago. Harry and Cedric.

  MOANING MYRTLE: Such a shame the pretty one had to die. Not that your father is not pretty -- but Cedric Diggory -- you'd be amazed at how many girls I had to hear doing love incantations in this very bathroom . . . And the weeping after he was taken.

  ALBUS: Help us, Myrtle, help us get into that same lake.

  MOANING MYRTLE: You think I can help you travel in time?

  ALBUS: We need you to keep a secret.

  MOANING MYRTLE: I love secrets. I won't tell a soul. Cross my heart and hope to die. Or -- the equivalent. For ghosts. You know.

  ALBUS nods at SCORPIUS, who reveals the Time-Turner.

  ALBUS: We can travel in time. You're going to help us travel the pipes. We're going to save Cedric Diggory.

  MOANING MYRTLE (grins): Well, that sounds like fun.

  ALBUS: And we've no time to lose.

  MOANING MYRTLE: This very sink. This very sink empties directly into the lake. It breaks every bylaw but this school has always been antiquated. Dive in and you will be piped straight to it.

  ALBUS pulls himself into the sink, dumping his cloak as he does. SCORPIUS copies.

  ALBUS hands SCORPIUS some green foliage in a bag.

  ALBUS: Some for me and some for you.

  SCORPIUS: Gillyweed? We're using gillyweed? To breathe underwater?

  ALBUS: Just like my dad did. Now, are you ready?

  SCORPIUS: Remember, this time we can't be caught out by the clock . . .

  ALBUS: Five minutes, that's all we allow for -- before we get pulled back to the present.

  SCORPIUS: Tell me this is all going to be okay.

  ALBUS (grinning): It's all going to be entirely okay. Are you ready?

  ALBUS takes the gillyweed and disappears down.

  SCORPIUS: No, Albus -- Albus --

  He looks up, he and MOANING MYRTLE are alone.

  MOANING MYRTLE: I do like brave boys.

  SCORPIUS (a little bit scared, a tiny bit brave): Then I'm entirely ready. For whatever comes.

  He takes the gillyweed and disappears down.

  MOANING MYRTLE is left alone onstage.

  There is a giant whoosh of light and smash of noise. And time stops. And then it turns over, thinks a bit, and begins spooling backwards . . .

  The boys are gone.

  HARRY appears at a run, a deep frown on his face, behind him DRACO, GINNY, and PROFESSOR McGONAGALL.

  HARRY: Albus . . . Albus . . .

  GINNY: He's gone.

  They find the boys' cloaks on the ground.

  PROFESSOR McGONAGALL (consulting the map)
: He's disappeared. No, he's traveling under Hogwarts grounds, no, he's disappeared . . .

  DRACO: How is he doing this?

  MOANING MYRTLE: He's using a rather pretty trinket thingy.

  HARRY: Myrtle!

  MOANING MYRTLE: Oops, you caught me. And I was trying so hard to hide. Hello, Harry. Hello, Draco. Have you been bad boys again?

  HARRY: What trinket is he using?

  MOANING MYRTLE: I think it was a secret, but I could never keep anything from you, Harry. How is it you've grown handsomer and handsomer as you've aged? And you're taller.

  HARRY: My son is in danger. I need your help. What are they doing, Myrtle?

  MOANING MYRTLE: He's after saving a dishy boy. A certain Cedric Diggory.

  HARRY immediately realizes what's happened, and is horrified.

  PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: But Cedric Diggory died years ago . . .

  MOANING MYRTLE: He seemed quite confident he could get around that fact. He's very confident, Harry, just like you.

  HARRY: He heard me talking -- to Amos Diggory . . . could he have . . . the Ministry's Time-Turner. No, that's impossible.

  PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: The Ministry has a Time-Turner? I thought they were destroyed?

  MOANING MYRTLE: Isn't everyone so naughty?

  DRACO: Can someone please explain what's going on?

  HARRY: Albus and Scorpius are not disappearing and reappearing -- they're traveling. Traveling in time.



  LUDO BAGMAN: Ladies and gentlemen -- boys and girls -- I give you -- the greatest -- the fabulous -- the one -- and the only TRIWIZARD TOURNAMENT. If you're from Hogwarts. Give me a cheer.

  There's a loud cheer.

  And now ALBUS and SCORPIUS are swimming through the lake. Descending through the water with graceful ease.

  If you're from Durmstrang -- give me a cheer.

  There's a loud cheer.


  There's a slightly less limp cheer.

  The French are getting into this.

  And they're off . . . Viktor's a shark, of course he is, Fleur looks remarkable, ever plucky Harry is using gillyweed, clever Harry, very clever -- and Cedric -- well, Cedric, what a treat, ladies and gentlemen, Cedric is using a Bubble Charm to cruise through the lake.

  CEDRIC DIGGORY approaches them through the water, a bubble over his head. ALBUS and SCORPIUS raise their wands together and fire an Engorgement Charm through the water.

  He turns and looks at them, confused. And it hits him. And around him the water glows gold.

  And then CEDRIC starts to grow -- and grow again -- and grow some more. He looks around himself -- entirely panicked. And the boys watch as CEDRIC ascends helplessly through the water.